Tuesday, September 8, 2020

MY TRANSFORMATION


During very childhood, my grandmother, who had a backbone of iron, taught me about Hindu religious beliefs and values. Though she had lost her husband at the early age, she was always ready to take any challenges. She has inspired not only me but a lot of people for many religious practices. My mother who is more spiritual used to tell us to be compassionate all the time. She had a bunch of friends especially at her parents home. Her father was ex- officer and had a great influence on the villagers. She always focused on the religious harmony and universal acceptance. My father being a police officer told us that honesty is always the best policy. He believed in hardships and had no gender bias. I was very obedient, used to follow religious practices and used to love and respect to everyone and also had many friends at village.


I was the luckiest of five siblings as I had the great opportunity to study in a high-class police school (D'cops), which at that time was one of the top 10 schools in Nepal. Our school life was similar to what it is in the west; lunch, breakfast, dinner, study, diet, many sports and also strict discipline. I used to miss my parents badly especially, when I was bullied by friends, seniors and sometimes even by teachers themselves. During the early days, I used to cry at night and write down my pain in my diary.

 

Needless to say I developed my traits of self-discipline, self confidence and compassion from the teaching I received at our very outstanding school.

Enjoying with friends at Dolalghat

After Class 12, neither I could continue with science nor did I go abroad (like most of my friends). I didn’t study for a year. I couldn’t become a doctor or an engineer what my family and relatives had extremely desired for.  No-one knew about my frustration. I wrote my poems and stories about my frustration. I did talk with one of my friends who had a very similar story as mine.  Just a week after I had a very nice conversation about life and the future, he gave us an unpleasant surprise.  He killed himself as a result of his depression. I was stunned and speechless ...


After many attempts at various jobs such as teaching, assistant at NGO (by a woman with backbone), assistant to reporter to weekly newspaper (pro Maoists), I could not settle down anywhere. But, I completed Masters in Sociology with good marks. At jobs, I didn't find an environment where people are honest and forthright and these traits are very important to me. Once my father told me to approach his senior friends' friend for a recommendation for a job placement in a reputed media house. When his friend saw my bright eyes, he said 'forget about journalism, work with us' I was in a dilemma but I started as an accounts assistant in a travel company.... Eventually, this is the job where I worked with all my heart and soul. I explored many tourist attractions of my homeland Nepal, India, Thailand and Bhutan. 

At Kalapatthar (6000 m) with US friends

Many friends/clients are happy with my dedication and enthusiasm which I showed/organized either during Everest or Annapurna trek or spiritual tour to Pashupatinath. https://vistashimalaya.com/trip/ebc-and-kalapatthar-trek/ 

With Indian group at Pashupatinath

I was able to enjoy all the benefits and possessions, outwardly pretending to be a successful and happy man while in reality deep down I was a frustrated individual.

Then came the earthquake of 2015. It was a devastating and helpless time in Nepal. There was news coming on the radio repeatedly; people from India, China, Israel were coming to help earthquake victims. This news motivated me along with some ex police school (D'cops) friends, to start our own campaign to help the earthquake victims. With financial and emotional support from friends from around the world, we were able to help some schools or villages in Sindhupalchowk, Nuwakot, South Lalitpur and even Malangwa, Rautahat. 


We were able to reconstruct a primary school called “Dhotar Primary School” at Sindhupalchowk. During the reconstruction time, we had to stay there in a dilapidated house and it was my turning point to observe the village life closely. Honestly speaking, it was shocking for me to perceive the truth of villagers' despair that time. They had no toilets in their house, very little food, no sandals for their feet, torn clothes and were often subject to abusive language. Despite of all this hardship, they were happy. 

Happy children of Dhotar Village

With ex Police School (D'cops) friends at Dhotar School

Since July of 2016, our volunteer group went back to their normal life and work.  However, with the support of some foreign, Indian and Nepali friends, I am still able to continue supporting the school.  Each time I return with some chocolates, pens or some books. I am heartily welcomed by all the children.  They see me as their role model and say goodbye with big smiles and say “Shree sir chitto aaunus hai” (Shree Sir, please come back soon).  It is an indescribable feeling!


With children at South Lalitpur School 


After sweaters distribution to children at Malangwa School 

In 2004, 2009 and 2016 respectively, I attempted to obtain a visa for the US, Finland and Italy.  Each time I was turned down for a variety of reasons; unauthentic documents, unreliable sources, differences between paper documentation and interviews. Then, a miracle happened and I received a one-month Schengen visa from the Swiss Embassy. This was a high point in my life and I was extremely excited. I started my European journey over-excited and over-confident. Con calma, I wandered around some cities of Switzerland, Germany, Italy, Spain, Austria.

En route to Grossglockner, Austria

In retrospect it is true that in my excitement I made some mistakes and was over-confident with my assumptions on the similarity of Nepal and European culture. I had thought that Europe would be an easy destination for me to explore, as India, Thailand and Bhutan had been. Some friends were very judgmental of me and wanted to instantly end our friendship. I am praying for them............
Praying at Ganesh temple with my beloved wife

Again, once I came back from Europe, I went through a period of frustration for a few months. However, this came at a price since I lost some good friends along the way. And, in Nepal, I started teaching people that they should copy the European lifestyle, habits and also talked about European sufferings. I did this for few months and I was very persistent. Although some people listened, most were very irritated by this.


My friends Maniraj, Bishowanath Bhaiji, Rabindra and Prameshwor  helped me to rejuvenate my spiritual journey. They told me to maintain that focus as far as possible. I started my quest for “inner happiness” through some religious schools Om Shanti, Oshodhara and some Hindu gurus, Buddhist monks, however, I couldn't find inner peace and their explanation. Hence, I did some deep introspection for several months practicing spirituality intensely, meditation, reading of spiritual books like "The Alchemist", Bhagwat Geeta, Running through empty memoirs, Patience and loving kindness - Buddhist philosophy" (to name a few). I also listened to Dandapani, https://dandapani.org/ Ben Hardy and Simon Sinek with undivided attention. I finally realized happiness (inner happiness) is within us, and, spirituality plays a vital role for true self. ☺☺


Eventually, I was able to transform myself into a content person, a responsible tourism enthusiast, a spiritual guide and a very responsible husband. In all honesty, I have many online friends/students with whom I am sharing the philosophy of life through meditation, spiritual practices and others. I am glad to tell you that they have invited me to see them in Spain, Peru, Colombia, Barbados, US.

Meditation Session with Peruvian friend


One of my close friend (from Spain) listening my inner words

Thursday, December 19, 2019

HOW TO KNOW YOURSELF ?

Well, the topic is stunning or may be weird, however, this is indispensable topic if you are searching for the betterment of life or the meaning of life. Most of us do not know about our own positive parts, weakness, desire, and objective of life. Everyone wants to be happy, enjoy life the fullest but they are not finding out how we can get the inner happiness. Hence, if we intend to find out "how to know yourself" deal, it would be more easy to be content all the times.

Though I am not an expert or degree on this topic, I felt I should share my knowledge and wisdom where one can be benefited or at least know about this hot cake (if you are trying to find out the purpose of your life). After a prolonged period of research of myself, I have been able to be content only after finding out myself; my vision of life.

It is not a complicated job, but, the realization process is not an easy subject. To be honest, when you find your inner voice, you will be able to come out in the procedure of happiness. Unless and until we try to make it by practice, as practice makes progress, you will have the knowledge only but not like sage. Needless to say, it is not herculean task but you need to devote your time with yourself as much as possible.

Hence, what is the actual process for it? There are endless possibilities and you have to track down what really works for you. 

Enjoying with two nice friends Octavio and Paco


Anyway, per my experience, gratitude is one inevitable thing which makes the real meaning for this process. Every morning, once you wake up, just be thankful to the new day, to your respected ancestors, to your parents, beloved ones, friends and foes whom you were/are surrounded by. They are following you or you are in theirs hearts. Do not forget to thank your body parts which are making you physically fit and mentally alert. Of course, you need to create this belief, “believe yourself”. And, the infinite and beautiful life needs to be appreciated everyday how harsh yesterday was, how excited yesterdays activities were. Not to be positively surprised, you have to thank your enemies (if you think) because of them, you are improving or moving forward on your own way.

Spending some time with yourselves, finding the inner voice; was your day fruitful, were your actions and words were appropriate, did I hurt anyone knowingly or unknowingly (if so, ask them for forgiveness)... And also try to find out the purpose of life, visualize it, and work for it.

While on the realization, just be honest to yourself; no one knows what’s in your heart, why you are stressed. We learn from mistakes and do try your best for earnestly requesting yourself not to repeat the mistakes. Forgive yourself and others as forgiveness brings you peace of mind and frees from corrosive anger.   

For sure, these all gives you a focus, which you may find increases your mindfulness doing it everyday.

At the end of the day, you will be content and you will find inner happiness. But, you need to cultivate these activities with consistency. It will not happen in a day or two, it may take 2/3 years or 10/15 years depending upon your commitment to yourself.

For me, it took a pretty long time because I was not focused, distracted often, trying to enjoy with short term goals. It feels sad as I was frustrated for a very long time and nobody knew I was feeling cold. However, once I started being spiritual and practiced those mindfulness described above aftermath of the earthquakes. I find out my inner voice and I became content almost all the time, never defeated.

On March, 2019, when I found out my inner happiness overwhelmingly, I cried a lot at Memmingen, Germany. It gave me a strength and started the seed of thoughts; helping people as much as possible, being more positive towards life, respecting everyone. I also developed more spirit of generosity. To be honest, I am happy with friends and without friends or families. I started asking do we need alcohol or friends or others to entertain us and be happy for certain moments. I find out we need nothing to make us happy, if we work out for a vision of happiness in life with those exercises, we can be content all the time. Even some clouds or rainfall can make us content.

Please write me I am available to hear your heart, care your frustration or trying to make you a real good person, life is the learning experiences..... I am willing to help as much as possible, after appointment in messenger, we will speak together and share our knowledge and wisdom to overcome obstacles of life.

19th Dec, 2019 Thursday